In the days of my youth, back when stadiums were named after local politicos and college bowl games were named after agricultural products, Texas had only one license plate design. Black letters on white metal, the only adornment a single black star. A lone star -- get it?

Boring? Undoubtedly.

But they were also dignified. The name "Texas" and the Lone Star said all that needed to be said.  

You can't say the same for a great many of the plates of today. On this site you can choose from 147 different designs.

These latter-day plates boast and shill for soft drinks, restaurants, and real estate companies. They tout eveything from Jesus to fraternities and sororities to colleges and even high schools. They are adorned with everything from dead animals to hot air balloons. They come in every color of the rainbow. It's got to stop, and here are ten of the most compelling reasons why.

 

Oh, this won't get you keyed in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Colorado or California.

 

  

A subliminal Ford ad. Those who would like to be more direct also have that option, complete with Ford logo.

 

 

Yeah, 'cause nothin' says Texas pride like a faux-Texas restaurant founded in an Indiana mall.

  

   

There needs to be a Project Runway-type auditioning system for these things. I am sorry but you are out.

  

Texas 4Ever? SMDH.

 

 

This message would be especially well-received if it was broadcast from a Hummer.

 

 

Here's one of those dead animals we were talking about.

 

 

And here's another one, in the form of a giant cheeseburger.

  

 

I wanna party with the guy or gal who rocks this plate!

 

 

Comes complete with visor, a can of Axe Body Spray, a tube of hair gel and a can of spray tan, several tubes of men's hair care products, an argyle sweater-vest, and a phantom putter.

 

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