In December, the San Antonio City Council voted to consider annexing as much as 66 square miles of surrounding land, a bold move that would add around 200,000 residents and make the Alamo City the fifth biggest in the country—right behind Houston. To us, San Antonio has always been a quaint, charming place to visit on holidays, not a metropolis that recently overtook Dallas—Dallas!—as the state’s second city. Clearly, we’ve a target on our back as well, but San Antonio has met its match this time. No one out-annexes us. Below, a list of places to swallow up next.

Bryan/College Station

Every other Aggie seems to move to Houston after graduation anyway, so why not make it official and incorporate the university, along with the town? We know Austin isn’t going to touch it.

Louisiana

As all the LSU flags and bumper stickers can attest, Houston is positively lousy with Louisianans. Tens of thousands of them came here after Katrina, and more seem to arrive every day courtesy the oil and gas jobs and familiar Gulf Coast landscape. Come to think of it, maybe we should preemptively annex Louisiana before Louisiana annexes us. Preposterous? Not really. Our populations are roughly equal.  

Mexico

Yeah, yeah, Texas already took a big bite out of the country in the revolution. But how better to solve the border crisis than by erasing the border? In one stroke, all illegal immigrants suddenly become documented Houstonians. Drug cartels? Nothing the HPD can’t handle. Best of all, the move will put an end to endless squabbles over which city boasts the best Mexican food. Hint: not San Antonio.

 
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