The resurrection of Christ is not the only thing happening on Easter Sunday. April 5 marks the 36th annual Bunnies on the Bayou, a fixture of the Houston gay scene since 1979. This party has everything any aspiring Stefon could want: drinks, twinks, gold-lamé-draped Jesus impersonators and devoutly Catholic drag queen Trash Wednesday. The drinking and merriment does have a charitable side—proceeds go to worthy organizations around the city including the AIDS Foundation, Houston Pride Band, and the Montrose Center.
The most important question is not whether or not you’re going. It’s for charity! The most important question is what you are going to wear. It’s a tricky proposition given the weather and throngs of people attended. Fortunately, gay men have a habit of classifying themselves and here are some helpful tip on how to dress for Bunnies. One rule that applies to everyone: drink clear mixers with your vodka. Stains are never chic.
Guppies: Remember what your mom made you wear as a toddler to those Easter Egg hunts? Pretty much wear that. Match any pastel-colored polo with some nice shorts (madras and plaids are welcome) and you’re set. Be sure to wear some Sperry’s to walk off your brunch from Gloria’s or Backstreet Cafe.
Bears: Remember, this is a family event. Save the pastel-colored harness for the afterparty at the Eagle. Instead, match a nice pair of cargo shorts with your softball league jersey. If you want to be really ballsy (pun intended), wear a kilt. But don’t wear it the traditional Scottish way. Remember: family event.
Jocks: Don’t be afraid to show off all your hard work at the gym by wearing a tank top. Show your H-town pride by donning one from Joey & Jaime. Most of your fellow men would approve.
Otters: You are young. You are thin. You are hairy. Since you’ll most likely be warm with all that extra fuzz, wear a loose-fitting linen button down. How many buttons should you fasten? Let’s just say you can stop buttoning somewhere between your navel and your pectorals.
Nightclub gays: Pretty much wear what you’d normally wear at 1:30 a.m. at Fbar or South Beach. Embrace the event with a pair of bunny ears and a tail for your ridiculously short shorts. Wear plenty of sunscreen since you probably haven’t seen the sun in a few days.
Daddies: A pair of distressed designer jeans are pretty standard. Whatever you wear with them, avoid a skin-tight T-shirt from Hollister, Abercrombie or American Eagle. It’s not that you’re too old to shop there (although you are), but that no one in the age range you’re trying to pass for shops there, either.
Straight Women: Wear something comfortable. It’s hot, crowded, and messy. Try not to outshine any of the drag queens because they hate that. But whatever you wear, don’t bring a gay man to treat as an accessory. We’re people, not purses.