After weeks and weeks (and weeks) of overcast skies and tropical storms, it’s officially summer. Houston summers are made bearable only be attending endless barbeques, pool parties, Galveston weekends and tubing trips, all of which require some form of swimwear. As with most fashion, several sartorial considerations should be made before donning your swimmers. Always make sure to bring a change of clothes in case a last-minute trip to Whataburger is required (those guys do not mess around when it comes to that whole no-shirt thing) and to avoid getting your car seat wet or full of sand.
Here are some important questions to ask before choosing the right pair of trunks:
Where are am I going?
The most important question to ask yourself because it will dictate almost everything about your swimwear. Obviously, if you’re aiming to be the male version of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High (look it up, millennials), then you’d want to wear something short, skimpy, and translucent. On the other hand, you probably shouldn’t wear something skimpy you bought at Andrew Christian or 2(x)ist at your parent’s or boss's July 4th barbeque. If you’re going tubing down the river, then you want something a little longer and less form-fitting lest the currents create an embarrassingly NSFW situation among your friends.
What color should I wear?
As with most outfits, it’s best to coordinate your swimwear with your skintone (both before and after tanning). If you’re a fair skinned gent, think of your body as a palette and pick of color that jumps off the skin. Something bright or pastel is always a good choice. Picking trunks that have a nice pattern, like a floral or a paisley, adds a nice touch of flair. If you’re darker complected, go for something a little lighter that offsets your complexion. Try to avoid darker colors that will make you look like you’re trying to be the human equivalent of camouflage.
How short is too short and how tight is too tight?
This is all about your comfort level. It’s about how much leg and how much junk are you comfortable with friends (and strangers) seeing. As someone who used to swim in a t-shirt during an awkward adolescence, it’s taken years of self discovery and Amerejuve treatments for me to venture outdoors shirtless. If you’re more on the modest side, then something a bit snug and medium length will hit that sweet spot—look for trunks that have a lining to get a little more privacy for your package. Don’t even think about giving in to the hipster impulse and wearing one of those weird, old-timey swimming costumes because everyone looks stupid in those.
Of course your swimming style doesn't begin or end with the suit. Pick a shirt or tank that matches your trunks so you can be on fleek while you’re showing up or getting out of the pool for some chips. If you insist on shaving your legs for the summer, go a teensy bit lower and shave your feet and toes—you don’t want to look like Cristiano Ronaldo and Frodo had a gayby.
No matter your preferred style, it's not a bad idea to subscribe to the Andrew Christian email list. They'll fill your inbox more often than the Obama campaign, but at least their emails contain pics of hot men and flash sales.