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Nope, not Christmas music on the radio: the first salvo of the holiday season is the annual Neiman Marcus Christmas Book, which arrived with a resounding thud in this, its 90th year of publication. The thick booklet has gift ideas at a range of price points, but we as usual scoured it purely for the thrill of discovering this year's over-the-top fantasy gifts, one-of-a-kind collections, experiences or mementos with price tags that climb into six digits.

Who buys these things is no longer the most fun question (the answer is either insanely rich people, or no one), so this year we asked ourselves who the optimum giftee for each is, on the off chance you've got $100,000 to burn. 

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For that cousin who auditioned for Hamilton, but couldn’t sing…or dance…or rap...

You don’t need any of those for this gift! A cool $30,000 will get them a walk-on role in the Broadway musical Waitress, which features music and lyrics from five-time Grammy winner Sara Bareilles. This experience includes get four premium show tickets, a meet and greet with the cast and a pie-making lesson with the show’s chief pie consultant. 

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For your friend who still claims Where the Wild Things Are is her favorite book

Recognize grade-school-level literary excellence with a curated collection of 36 Caldecott medal-winning children’s books. The Caldecott Medal has been given out every year since 1936 to “the artist of the most distinguished American picture book for children” by the Association for Library Service to Children, so you know it’s the real deal. The damage? $100,000.

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For the sister jealous of Meghan Markle for dating Prince Harry

Why fawn over the fourth in line for the throne when you can unwind on the English countryside like the true duchess or duke that you are? Pick seven besties and jet set to the UK for Neiman Marcus's English estates experience, valued at $700,000. You’ll spend a week at grandiose estates all over England, capping off your trip with a stay at the home of England’s most venerable prime minister, Winston Churchill. The only question is how long your friends will tolerate your fake posh accent á la Madonna.

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For that uncle who still isn’t over Joe Montana being traded to the Chiefs by the 49ers

It was 23 years ago, Uncle Steve! But to make up for it, he and three of his friends can spend time throwing around a pigskin with their favorite quarterback at a private camp in San Francisco with none other than the Comeback Kid himself. You’ll also get a personalized football and a picture with Joe as a souvenir. Show your love for $65,000. Fantasy football tips not included.

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For your brother who went on The Price Is Right but lost

Come on down by investing $63,000 to get him an Infiniti Q60 Neiman Marcus Limited Edition, complete with a 400-horsepower, twin-turbocharged V6 engine. Your brother can consider himself special, too—only 50 of these cars will be made. Maybe that’ll help everyone at Thanksgiving shut up about him overbidding on the showcase showdown and make you the best. sibling. ever. Win-win.

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For that aunt who chose the wrong coach on The Voice

She’s still a little bitter, so make sure to brighten up her spirits by gifting her the Ultimate Grammy Awards Experience. $500,000 earns her and a friend a hotel stay in Beverly Hills, two $1,000 Neiman Marcus gift cards, a personal shopper and hair and makeup for the big day. They’ll also get to see rehearsals for the big show, which gives her the opportunity to rub elbows with some of music’s biggest stars! Who knows, maybe Clive Davis will give her a record deal.

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For your boyfriend who won’t shut up about Sully being a great movie

Tell him this: “I know, honey. HERE’S A PLANE!” Yep, shell out $1.5 million and get him his very own Cobalt Valkyrie-X in rose gold because it’s fancy. He and three passengers can fly in one of the fastest piston aircrafts in the world, featuring hand-stitched leather seats and 24/7 technical support in the U.S. for two years.

For that girlfriend with all the maxed out credit cards

Let her live her dream of waking up in the morning surrounded by expensive jewelry, shoes and clothing. She can invite 11 over her friends to spend the night inside of Neiman Marcus’s Dallas flagship store. They’ll even get monogrammed pajamas for the occasion, but it'll set you back $120,000.

For your parents who headed straight to Palm Beach as soon as their last kid graduated

Show love to the people who suffered through hours of you practicing your trombone for hours on end by giving them—cue Oprah voice—a brand-new island car (see image at top of page). Think of a golf cart, but way more tricked out, featuring groundbreaking commitment to the prep lifestyle as well as long range batteries and Lilly Pulitzer prints adorning every inch of the interior—hers in pink and his in green. They even get matching totes, towels and swimsuits. This endless appreciation will cost you $65,000 per car. 

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