Now that it's December, prepare to be bombarded with all the things you should have eaten, bought, tried, seen, read or otherwise fallen in love with this year. I mean, OMG, it’s almost the end of 2016 and you haven’t gotten this year’s it thing or tried this season's must-have trend?! You better stop reading and run, like run right now, and get cracking ... or on second thought, maybe we should just be thankful for some of the things that we didn’t try this year.
The Man Bun
Look dudes. I am sorry. I get it, some of you have a lot of hair and woman wear buns, so why can’t you? On behalf of all women I'd like to confess that we only pretend to like them on you because we like you. But please leave this to 2016, and Princess Leia, and stop stealing our elastic hair ties.
Overly Distressed Denim
Come on, jeans with rips and holes are sexy, right? I even have a few pairs myself. That’s not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about jeans so ripped and so full of holes that you are literally wondering where the tears stop and the jeans actually start. The jeans that have so many huge holes that you can put your leg through one while trying to put them on, especially the ones that are also worn so tight that they leave not-so-sexy “jean lines” on your skin when you take them off. Do yourself a favor and retire your most distressed pair. Pro tip: they make great dishrags once they fall apart.
The Male Crop Top
Honestly, I hadn't even heard about this trend over the summer — I'm just catching on now. But holy crap, am I glad none of my guy friends tried this. Crop tops are hard on women, even those with abs of steel. I feel like somehow this trend must have both started and ended at American Apparel or something. But if it makes a comeback…run away.
Extreme Face Contouring
I know everyone loves chiseled features, and thanks to Instagram we're all supposed to look amazing 24/7 — but this is just ridiculous. Besides the fact that the layers of contouring, baking, etc. all take forever — and I mean forever — the look also requires some clown-like face painting artistry skills and it takes one hell of a facial cleanser to wash this much foundation off. Take it from me and stick to a simple highlighter.
People. Leave your lips alone. That goes for you too, Kylie Jenner.
We all like rainbows. I love rainbows. A rainbow symbolizes many things that I support. That said, I do not like rainbow food, just as I do not like green beer on St. Patrick’s Day. I like my food the color it’s supposed to be. Let's save the color for your hair.
Yes, it’s good to be green and healthy and take care of yourself. But you know what? Matcha doesn’t taste all that good, and no, I do not want everything I buy to suddenly be health-conscious by adding a little matcha to it. Cut it out, Whole Foods.
If you've made it almost to the end of 2016 and stayed away from all these trends, snaps to you. If not, I hope you enjoy your rainbow bagel while wearing your crop top without getting any matcha in your man bun.