2017 Goals— Adjusted For Reality

1. Successfully stop eating carbs! —except for happy hour tacos + margaritas after work.
2. Avoid politics on social media— When do the Supreme Court justice hearings begin? (Asking for a friend.)
3. Find new restaurants with Houstonia's Gastronaut app — unless you forgot to exchange that recalled Samsung Galaxy S7 that just exploded on your nightstand.
4. Learn a new language to better communicate with the neighbors— but which one? Houstonians speak more than 145.
5. Convincingly compare last year's Cleveland Cavaliers and Chicago Cubs to this year's Rockets and Astros— WAKE UP FROM DREAM.
6. Navigate new route to get around construction work— except that every road on your carefully devised map is now closed for additional construction.
7. Eat more local food— except when you're standing in a long line at the newest new-to-Houston chain. (Damn you, Shake Shack!)
8. Conserve water and xeriscape your front yard— until Becky with the good lawn gets "Yard of the Month" three times... in a row.
9. Stop hating on Dallas — unless the Cowboys come to town for the Super Bowl.
10. Take more day trips to Galveston— while deploying 5 different Instagram filters to make the Gulf look like the Caribbean.