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Tortilla chips or mini breadsticks: You decide.

If you’ve spent any significant amount of time in Texas, you have almost definitely heard of the “Frito pie,” one of our state’s most noteworthy culinary inventions.

But I’m willing to bet you’re less familiar with the “Walking Taco,” an “Uploaded snack” made by Lunchables that is suspiciously similar to a frito pie. This snack is indeed a load of something, but more on that later. Walking Tacos are available in multiple flavors including “beef,” “double cheese,” “extreme nacho,” “chili pie,” and the favorite of pizza/chemical lovers everywhere, the “pepperoni.”

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The highly technical steps of the "uploading" process.

Obviously, Lunchables has created cheap facsimiles of the Frito pie in a lame attempt to proffer them as novel to unknowing consumers. The name change is itself a source of amusing confusion: Am I supposed to walk while eating the taco? Does the taco do the walking? Or did the taco give chase and I am moving in slow pursuit? So many questions. Just because other parts of the country erroneously refer to the Frito pie as a "walking taco" does not mean the poor Frito pie should be marketed as such.

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Appetizing, right?

Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery, BTW, when the copy completely fails to do justice to the original. Because I was not content to mock the Walking Taco on name alone, I taste-tested the Nacho variety, and while prepared to be pleasantly surprised, was completely disgusted. The walking taco was a literal hot mess of painfully salty chips; gooey, flavorless cheese; and salsa that might have well been watered down marinara sauce. And I should have taken a clue from the instructions on the meat packet (“DUMP into chips”), what that protein would taste and resemble. 

Readers, learn from my investigation and don’t waste your time even just for ****s and giggles. Your three dollars is better spent making your own Frito pie. Buying this sad replacement is an insult to money.

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