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Hey, you look hot.

For a limited time at local Circle K convenience stores (née Corner Store), you can get a frozen slushie that’s ostensibly chilly in a different sort of way. The recently introduced Mango Chili flavor is a signature departure from the chain’s repertoire comprising mostly standard, i.e, “safe” flavors such as cherry, lime and Coca-Cola.

The drink is specifically available at the Circle K store at Bissonnet and Kirby, and it was at that location that I sampled this frozen libation, whose color was more that of overripe tangerine than the interior of a mango. #fruitsnob

First, a disclosure: I am very sensitive to spice, and therefore was preparing myself to have to translate my own personal reaction to the level of heat to that of a reader whose tolerance is likely much higher. But in this case, my extreme sensitivity proved an asset, for I can write with near absolute certainty that there ain’t no spice in that slushie. Not that I expected Circle K’s concoction to be a product of some elaborate chile infusion of fresh mango juice, but I figured there would be at least some artificial pepper flavor.

Not so by any stretch of the imagination, for if I had to guestimate this beverage’s ranking on the Scoville Scale, I would put it at -10, just below Cinnamon Toast Crunch. In fact, I have burnt my mouth more drinking the tail end of a pumpkin spice latte I left in my car overnight in December.

What I did taste was an overwhelmingly sweet mango-orange flavor that the average person would probably find cloying but appealed to my monstrous sweet tooth. The chile mango slushie would probably pair wonderfully with butter chicken saag paneer and other Indian Foods For White People. We as a race are known, after all, for our fear of spice and unslakable love of sugar.

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