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The intended audience for Neiman Marcus' 2017 Fantasy Gifts, we presume.

Image: Shutterstock

With Christmas on Monday, it’s as good a time as any to fantasize a bit. Enter Neiman Marcus’ Christmas Book, the 110-year-old institution’s annual tome of lust-worthy gifts for you and yours.

First published in 1926, The Christmas Book was originally intended as a 16-page booklet-style Christmas card for the Dallas luxury retailer’s best customers, and it has evolved. This year’s edition features 300 pages of over 780 potential presents, plus 10 “fantasy gifts” curated from hundreds of submissions, Neiman Marcus Group president and CEO Jim Gold said.

What do Neiman’s shoppers fantasize about this holiday season, you ask? Why, nothing but the best. And if you can shell out anywhere from $8,000 to $1.6 million, it’s easy to make these fantasies a reality.

In the true spirit of Christmas, proceeds from “the world’s most exclusive gifts” benefit nonprofits like The Heart of Neiman Marcus Foundation, which works to connect youth with enriching arts experiences.

So, without further ado, we present the NM 2017 Fantasy Gifts. Enjoy, peasants.

1. Armand de Brignac: Travel to Champagne and personalize your own cuvée.

If you, like me, didn't know what a cuvée was, you probably can't afford this gift. Ringing it at a cool $150,000, this gift is "for the bubbliest personality you know," Neiman Marcus says. It's all sorts of fancy with a first-class trip for four to Paris, an excursion to the 13th-generation wine-growing family behind Armand de Brignac, a helicopter fly-over of Champagne's villages and vineyards, and plenty of fine food and drink. Pro tip: A $5.99 bottle of André gets you just as lit.

2. A private flight and photo session with Gray Malin.

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To the left, please, Gray. No, no, your other left. There! Get that shot! Quick, you're missing it!!!!

Image: Neiman Marcus

One of Malin's iconic bird's-eye-view prints will set you back a few hundred bucks, but for a mere $35,000, you can commission your own! Direct Malin, the fine-art photographer, like he's your little brother with his first nice camera as you take a private, one-hour chopper ride over the beautiful beaches of L.A. and Malibu, searching for the picture-perfect vista Malin will later edit, print, sign, frame, and send to you.

3. Madame Alexander dolls for a year and one custom creation.

At $8,000, the Madame Alexander experience is the cheapest fantasy on the list. Spoil your kid rotten with a monthly delivery of dolls that retail at roughly $100 a pop, plus a limited-edition dollhouse and one very expensive mini-me.

4. Sisley-Paris experience and products for a year.

Prepare to be pampered–that is, if you have a spare $60,000 lying around. In that case, spend two nights and three days at Paris' Four Seasons Hotel George V, enjoy a spa day at Maison Sisley and luxuriate in the year's worth of free Sisley products customized to your liking. And to think, other people soak in Epsom salts.

5. Explore Zambian gem fields and collaborate on a one-of-a-kind piece with jeweler Stephen Webster.

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Take a good look at this man, master jeweler Stephen Webster. Remember his face. He's counting on you to unearth him from a pile of raw emeralds in a Zambian gem mine before it's too late.

Image: Neiman Marcus

This one's a doozy–for $300,000, you and your lucky plus-one are off to Zambia, where you'll find master jeweler Stephen Webster lurking in Gemfields' Kagan, the largest single producer of emeralds in the world. It's your job to find Webster before he's buried alive in raw emeralds! OK, maybe not, but Webster will turn a magnificent 7.2-carat stone into a one-of-a-kind piece of your choosing. And, Neiman's informs us, you'll get to meet his wife, Assia, who will no doubt thank you endlessly for rescuing her husband from that mine (he really needs to be more careful).

6. Limited-edition Rolls-Royce Dawns for you and me.

Vroom, vroom—that's the sound of us starting up our new his-and-hers exclusive Rolls-Royce Dawn Drophead Coupés, baby! With a gift this good, the only thing to fight about is who gets the $439,625 Lago di Como Blue and who gets the $445,750 Saint-Tropez Orange.

7. Bespoke handbags by Olympia Le-Tan depicting your choice of literary works.

Neiman's markets this gift as "equal parts humor and homage." A three-day romp in Paris will get you six bespoke handbags—one every other month for a year, because #paceyourself—by Olympia Le-Tan, known for her witty embroidered designs that look like classic works of literature. Except this book costs $45,000.

8. Experience the Ryder Cup as a VIP.

Golfers, listen up, this one's for you: Get on the green with three of your friends and  17-time PGA Tour-winner Jim Furyk. "You call that a swing?" Furyk will almost definitely say. Four premium tickets to the weeklong Ryder Cup and the accompanying accommodations will set you back $250,000, but that kind of constructive criticism from a pro like Furyk is priceless.

9. Gifts from Paper for Water.

Kind of hard to poke fun at this one, folks, as the proceeds from each limited-edition paper ornament will bring fresh, clean water to children and families in need. Ornaments start at $50, and 250 ornaments for $50,000 will fund two clean-water wells. Just gonna leave that here.

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If you can get past the hard work of narrowing your BFFs down to 299, the rest of 2018 will be a cinch.

Image: Neiman Marcus

10. New Year's Eve above Times Square, featuring a private party for 300 at the Knickerbocker Hotel.

Here it is, the Fantasy Gift of 2017: NYE atop NYC's iconic Knickerbocker Hotel in a sky-high, premium private party for you and 299 of your closest friends. What's $1.6 million to start the year off right? What's that, you say? New Year's Eve is almost always inevitably a let-down and you end up drunk and crying in an uncomfortable sequined dress sticky with champagne, trying to find your Uber after you paid $150 to get in a club downtown? Oh. Well, in that case, Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve is always on. 

 

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