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With heels like that, we're betting this shopper did not drive herself.

Image: Shutterstock

Does the thought of braving holiday mall crowds simply exhaust you? Do you shudder at the rumination of toiling away in a line? Are you nauseated by the prospect of idling in traffic only to endlessly circle a crammed lot in search of a space just wide enough to wedge your car into but narrow enough to prohibit you from opening your door more than a few inches, necessitating that uncomfortable, precarious shimmy out of the driver’s seat? 

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, Houston Shopping Tours would like a word.

“It’s the only way to shop in Houston,” the website proclaims. “Turn your shopping trip into a shopping experience!” 

Sunday, December 10 is your next chance to do just that. Upon boarding a luxury coach, shoppers will be met with unlimited cocktails and snacks, swag bags and on-board entertainment, the site promises. Your chariot will then whisk you to four or five local boutiques “for a fabulous afternoon of private shopping all while you enjoy discounts at every one.” Plus, it's led by a professional stylist (consultation optional). 

Houston Shopping Tours touts Sunday’s experience–dubbed the “Cocktails, Coats, Sweaters & Swag Tour”– as the perfect chance to finish (finish?!) your holiday shopping and acquaint yourself with hidden gems in historic neighborhoods. The tour departs from 5407 Morningside Drive and lasts from 11 a.m.–2 p.m. 

Get back on the bus less than two weeks later when “The Little Fab Dress Tour” helps shoppers find an Instagram-worthy NYE outfit on Thursday, December 21 from 4–8 p.m. And, on Sunday, January 7, you’ve got yet another chance to shop in style with “New Year New Shoes” from 11 a.m.–2 p.m.

The indulgence will cost you, though–$65, to be exact, or $120 for two tickets.

If you need a pretext for booking a trip on the Luxury Bus (it’s not actually called that, but perhaps it should be), consider that a portion of all seats sold benefit hurricane disaster relief.

We can’t help but envision this experience to be something like a boujee crossover between MTV’s Next (the so-bad-it’s-good “mobile elimination” dating show of the early-aughts) and TLC’s classic What Not to Wear.

If you go, please report back. And remember to keep your hands, arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

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