After six-and-A-half seasons, countless people wearing masks and thousands of creepy texts, the ladies of Rosewood tell their final lies this spring with the premiere of the Pretty Little Liars final half-season on April 18.
This addicting mix of Gossip Girl and I Know What You Did Last Summer is guaranteed to provide two things each episode: ludicrous plot twists and insane fashion choices. While it’s a bit of a stretch to think that a stalker would have the funds, patience, and creepy life-size dollhouse bunkers to torment a clique of teen girls for several years, it truly strains credibility to imagine popular high schoolers would be caught dead (literally, sometimes!) in some of these outfits.
Aria’s tie skirt (Season 4, "Gamma Zeta Die!")
We all know that Aria has a pretty crappy dad, between the affair with a student to failing to notice that his other child has been MIA for three seasons. But was it so bad that Aria had to raid his closet and wear all his ties as a skirt, like pelts from fallen prey? Aria is supposed to be the bohemian artist, but this screams tragic, not quirky. Even Kelly Clarkson couldn’t make a tie skirt work.
Jenna and Allison’s dueling Lady Gs (Season 2, "The First Secret")
The opening salvo in the Jenna vs. Allison battle was when the new girl (Jenna) had to audacity to attend Noel Kahn’s Halloween party as Lady Gaga. Several things bother me about both their outfits:
- No teenager would ever refer to Gaga as “Lady G” (but way to avoid the rights issue, Freeform!)
- Allison’s wig is more busted Jem and the Holograms than The Fame-era Gaga.
- Jenna mostly pulls off the red hood but she’s missing the belt to tie the look together. Anyway, Jenna’s victory was short-lived since Ali got her revenge by blinding her in a fire. WHOOPS.
Emily’s leather romper (Season 6, "No Stone Unturned")
Out of all the liars, Emily has had the worst luck. Her girlfriends either betray her, die, or betray her and then die. Her father dies. And last we checked, Über A stole her donated eggs in a nefarious breeding program. As the athlete of the group, Emily is usually in a tee, oversized button-down and jeans. (I wouldn’t put much effort in either if I was always getting kidnapped, run off the road, or stuck in a coffin.) And one of the few times she gets to be fashionable, she gets stuck in these leather lederhosen. Why the costumers didn’t complete the lesbian stereotype and add some flannel or a toolbelt is a mystery.
Hannah’s funereal cleavage
I’ve lost track of how many funerals these girls have attended, but you can always count on Hannah to put the fun in funeral by baring too much skin to mourn the alleged dead (half the funerals were for people who later turned out to be alive). When she's not stealing jewelry, she's stealing the departed's attention by accessorizing with a jaunty fascinator or enough rosaries for an '80s Madonna tribute.
Anything worn by Paige in Season 1
Before she finally wised up and said "peace out" to Rosewood, Emily's girlfriend Paige was by far the frumpiest woman on the show, frumpier than any of the moms hiding an off-camera pregnancy. Poor Paige was cursed to a series of ugly cardigans and denim skirts, most likely as penance for attempting to drown her eventual girlfriend (so many super-healthy teen relationships on this show). I call it the reverse Drew Barrymore: when a teenager dresses like a cartoon version of an adult.
Spencer's many questionable hats
Ostensibly the smart one of the group, Spencer has made a series of terrible life choices: kissing her sister’s boyfriends, plagiarizing, and stealing whatever hospital/hotel/sanatorium sign-in books she can. But perhaps most egregious are the series of unfortunate hats she’s donned over the years. Okay, the cloche is pretty nice, if you're attending an Agatha Christie theme party, but anyone who said the patchwork newsboy hat is cute is the biggest liar of them all.