Listen, I know Uggs are polarizing. The preferred footwear of the Basic Bitch since the dawn of the new millennium, the ubiquitous Australian sheepskin boot is much maligned, and I’m not saying I don’t get it. Even so, Uggs are not on my shit list—I still own a pair—and who among us couldn’t have used them on, say, Tuesday, January 16?

But something has happened that we need to talk about. On Wednesday, January 17, at Paris Fashion Week Men’s, a literal monstrosity appeared on the runway—so heinous, I can’t look away; the shoe equivalent of a car crash.

I’m talking about Y/Project’s collaboration with Ugg, dubbed “deliciously warped” by Vogue. There’s no pretty way to say (or see) this: It’s a thigh-high Ugg. 

 

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No matter what my mom says to the contrary, thigh-high boots are fantastic. I’d like to be buried in a pair of Stuart Weitzmans. Earlier this week, I’d likely have told you that any boot can be improved by stretching its dimensions to crest the mid-thigh–instant chic.

Readers, I would have been acutely mistaken. A picture of this captivating mess is worth a thousand words, but Vogue summed it up pretty well in 10: “Think a soft, friendly Jabba the Hutt engulfing each thigh.”

Are you sold?! (If so, hope you've got a savings account: These bad boys will cost you over $1,000 when they're available in fall 2018.)

Y/Project is known for exaggerated layers, but these are on another level–kind of like a shar pei crawled up and died on your leg. For his part, Y/Project creative director Glenn Martens wrote to Vogue, “Putting on Uggs is like putting your foot in a warm pot of butter, and I thought why not elevate that and immerse your full legs!”

Okay, I can get behind a warm butter body. I’m maybe sort of with you?

Martens went on: “So we decided to design an Ugg boot that climbs up to the crotch and covers the whole leg.”

And that’s where I’m out. I get it—it’s fashion, honey—but still, anything that "climbs up to the crotch" is going to be a no from me, dawg.

 

Are these #thighhighUggs the new wave ? #yProject #uggs #uggaustrailia

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Here are the only 10 reasons we could think of why you might need to get yourself a pair of these too-trendy-for-their-own-good mutants.

  1. You had a bad childhood experience with sheep.
  2. You staunchly object to the credo that ‘beauty is pain.’
  3. You’re mad at your vegan roommate.
  4. You need to one-up your fellow New England sorority sisters.
  5. Your crotch gets cold super easily.
  6. You only order venti PSLs.
  7. You’re not shaving above or below the knee.
  8. Traumatized by Icepocalypse 2018, you’re always strapped for another cold snap.
  9. You’re already planning your next Day for Night look.
  10. You’re Tom Brady.
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