I accept the proclamation,“You’re not you when you’re hungry,” but I’m not sure I accept that a Snickers is still a Snickers if it involves minimal chopped nuts.

That’s at least what Mars, Inc. wants me to believe given the 2019 debut of three new Snickers varieties (peanut butter, almond butter, maple almond butter), all of which contain, like, two diced legumes. (It should be noted this most recent peanut butter Snickers differs from the older extant version on the market, which has both peanuts and peanut butter cream.) 

Although perhaps it is not my role to ask “why” do this, it is certainly my place to judge.

First, however, I had to find ‘em. Visits to two different Kroger locations and one H-E-B proved fruitless. Finally, I spotted a special promotional display of the Snickers nut butter trifecta while picking up a prescription at CVS. 

The new “creamy” style nut butter Snickers theoretically are available in “single” (1.4-ounce), “share” (2.8-ounce), and stand-up pouch (7.7-ounce) sizes, but thus far in Houston I have only spotted the “single” packs, which (confusingly) contain two candy bar squares.

The plain ol’ peanut butter creamy Snickers ironically packed less of a nutty punch than regular peanut butter Snickers, probably because the thick layer of peanut butter contained more high-fructose corn syrup than nuts. The almond butter Snicker in turn improved upon the original “Snickers with Almonds” model, as the smooth blend rendered the tree nut flavor more pronounced. Still, there was something off as the texture was granular in spots and far from uniformly creamy.

Mmm, tastes like diner breakfast, proclaimed the erudite voice in my head after biting into the maple almond butter Snickers. It was Mrs. Butterworth saccharine, and though probably no actual syrup was involved in the making of this candy bar, I nevertheless enjoyed it for its novel woodsy sweetness and nostalgia it brought for arising late on snowy weekends for chocolate chip pancake breakfasts made by my then-boyfriend, now husband. 

The verdict: Snickers satisfies; Snickers maple almond butter soars.

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