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Our Not-at-All Controversial Ranking of Famous Houstonians

Sorry if your favorites (or unfavorites) didn’t make the cut. We only have so much space. But hey, here’s Beyoncé to make it all better.

The fifth and fabulous edition of Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am looks at some notable Houstonians and wonders who deserves to be entered into our local hall of fame…and who should be strapped to a rocket and launched across I-35 to become honorary Austinites instead. NASA has to have some spares lying around, right?

Yes Ma’am
The Knowles Sisters. Is an explanation really needed here?

No Ma’am
Drake. Why couldn’t Kendrick Lamar move here instead?

Yes Ma’am
Simone Biles. Changing the game as a once-in-a-generation gymnast and mental health icon.

No Ma’am
Joel Osteen. Matthew 19:24 probably doesn’t come up in his sermons often.

Yes Ma’am
Richard Linklater. Finally made the cinematic love letter Houston deserves with Apollo 10½.

No Ma’am
Tilman Fertitta. Maybe he should prance around on concrete behind plexiglass to entertain customers instead of those tigers.

We also appreciate Matt Bomer because his name sounds like “mad bomber” when you say it too fast. And that’s hilarious.

Yes Ma’am
Matt Bomer. Doom Patrol showed us he could handle weird. Let him be weird more often.

No Ma’am
Mary Kay Ash. The only dead person here, because the scourge of Mary Kay parties hasn’t yet granted us the courtesy to follow.

Yes Ma’am
The Astros. Even non-baseball fans can have fun watching friends and family love the home team.

No Ma’am
Randy Quaid. Tragically devolved from comedically quirky cousin to ranting conspiracy uncle.

Megan Thee Stallion holds a bachelor’s in health administration from TSU, which she puts to good use in service of Houston-area seniors.

Yes Ma’am
Megan Thee Stallion. A heart as big as her musical talent: She donated generators to low-income seniors.

No Ma’am
Ted Cruz. Still hasn’t lived Cancúngate down.

Published in the The Secrets of East Texas issue of Houstonia Mag.











Meredith Nudo
Meredith Nudo
Meredith Nudo holds a master’s degree in English from University of St. Thomas and is a grizzled old veteran of excavating the word mines, with bylines in Houston Press, Chron, Houston Food Finder, Texas Signal, San Francisco Chronicle, Azure Magazine, and the late Houston Landing (RIP); she’s also edited and published comics and short fiction. In addition to flinging commentary about local arts and culture to Houstonia readers, she also works as an actress and improv and sketch comedian. When she has free time, she likes gardening, cooking, and giving her cat many cuddles.