This Is Our Dream Houston Airport Terminal

Recently, as part of its Airport Improvement Program, the FAA awarded $10 million to Hobby and another $1.2 million for IAH. The money’s earmarked for taxiway reconstruction—important, to be sure. Still, it got us to thinking: How would we upgrade our airports? Welcome to Terminal P—that’s P for Paradise, folks.

The Bed Room

When the first leg of your holiday sojourn is inevitably delayed, then delayed some more, then finally canceled, you deserve a place better than a grimy airport bench (with dividers, no less—the nerve!) to lay your weary head. Enter this soundproof space filled with private pods, sponsored by Mattress Mack. Each memory-foam topper also comes with a sleep mask, down comforter, and buzzer for ordering tea, wine, or even warm milk on demand. Because if you have to spend Christmas Eve in the airport, you should at least be cozy.

The Resort Pool

You got here two hours early, as instructed, which leaves plenty of time for a dip. Be sure to pack your bathing suit in your carry-on, because you’re taking a trip to the rooftop resort-style pool, the airport’s hottest destination, accessible only to travelers who’ve cleared TSA. Watch the planes land and take off as you sip a tropical concoction from the poolside tiki bar. Float to your heart’s content, or until you hear your final boarding call.

The 24-Hour Spa

Forget that overpriced, underwhelming neck massage outside Hudson News and say hello to GangNam Spa Version 2.0: Airport Edition. Houston’s first traditional, 24-hour Korean megaspa (the one that opened last summer in northwest Houston) will open a second location in our Terminal P and offer massages, facials, and mani-pedis to exhausted travelers. Missed your flight? You’re eligible for a free foot soak.

The Real Priority Boarding

Priority boarding works a little differently in Terminal P. Apologies to anyone who booked first class, signed up for that special rewards program, or opened an airline credit card for this purpose, but flights will now be boarding according to who’s had the worst day. Have you had a full eight hours of sleep and three square meals? Congratulations, you’re last. But if your Uber driver took a wrong turn, your suitcase weighed in at 51 pounds, or you’ve developed a sore throat ahead of your tropical vacation? You, friend, are up first.

Published in the Bayou City's Best New Bars issue of Houstonia Mag.