I Didn’t Shake Hard Enough: The Soylent Diaries, Day Six

Read the first installment of The Soylent Diaries here, the second here, the third here, the fourth here, and the fifth here.

Day Six

8:35 am

I just dumped a scoop of Soylent into a cup of coffee. Standard bartender-style stirring doesn’t work. A much more vigorous approach is required. It’s better, in that it doesn’t taste much like Soylent, but worse in that I ruined a perfectly good pour-over of Amaya Roasting Co. Los Santos.

8:47 am

Stirring will never mix this stuff thoroughly enough. The bottom of the glass is like the Mississippi delta. I got these no food for six days, drinking my dinner, Lord give me a hamburger blues…

9:42 am

Hot dog smells emanating from the concession stand at this gymnastics competition like woah. I love hot dogs. Ifs, ands, uh, and butts.

10:17 am

Explaining project to my mother. I think she thinks I’m a fool.

12:06 pm

People asking me where I want to eat after this gymnastics meet is over. Whut? And these people are family.

1:30 pm

Buffalo Grille. Twenty people, including 10 children, four kids under a year. I spent my lunch retrieving forks, fetching syrup, holding various babies, and cutting pancakes. One sister in law asked if the social aspect was difficult. I noted that it was actually easier with all the distractions. Somehow, this led to an argument with a different sister-in-law, about moral law and the role of counsel. Arguing consequentialism vs. deontology on an empty stomach is a surprisingly futile endeavor.

1:53 pm

Lanny Griffith is eating a burger at the next table. I wish I had my Soylent with my. Drinking Soylent with Lanny would have been a cool feeling. 

2:42 pm

Watch out for that first sip. It’s a doo-hoo-hoozy. Seriously though. The first and the last sip. Always the worst. I’ve decided, though, that a batch of Soylent needs a minimum of six hours in the fridge to shake its worst attributes (extreme grittiness, old egg roll flavor).

11:44 pm

I didn’t shake hard enough. The chunks. THE CHUNKS.

11:45 pm

I found someone, an adult, who likes Soylent. My mother-in-law. Then again, she drinks Boone’s Farm for reasons other than blackout shenanigans, and has been known to add sugar TO HER WINE.

11:46 pm

I haven’t bombed Soylent yet. Currently trying to goad Chris Frankel into doing it with me. Will report back. 

Check back tomorrow for Day Seven of the end of food.