Can you really say what St. Louis hair looks like? Phoenix hair? Say “Dallas hair,” and no American—hell, no Romanian—will harbor a doubt as to what you’re talking about. If Dallas were a Friend, she’d be Rachel. If she were a piece of dishware, she’d be a bowl.
“This is going to sound kind of strange,” we said to our hairdresser at the Regis Salon in NorthPark Center. “But we want you to make our hair as big as possible.” She froze, cocked her head, stilled her fingers as they felt for our roots. We thought we’d offended her.
“That’s not strange,” she said.
Herewith, Dallas hair in five easy steps:
- Flip your hair over, and keep it that way while you empty a good quarter-can of hair spray onto it. If your neck begins to hurt, you’re doing it right. Dallas women have hugely muscled necks for this reason.
- Separate hair into sections, and use a round brush to blow-dry hair in the direction opposite its natural tendency. Apply more hair spray.
- Brush your now-hard hair from the bottom. Only non-natives will find this excruciatingly painful.
- Take a curling iron to each section, and clip the curls, allowing them to set while they cool. More hair spray, obviously.
- Tease, tease, tease, at the very crown of the head. Spray.
“I do my hair this way every day,” our stylist said as she froufed our now-glorious, capacious, adamantine mane. “Except the teasing. That’s a little much.”