Hou 1116 mcmansion vmxuyd

No matter the nomenclature—McMansions, as described in snarky detail on popular Tumblr site McMansion Hell, or Millennium Mansions, as academically delineated in Virginia McAlester’s comprehensive Field Guide to American Houses—every Houstonian knows them on sight.

They’re the inexplicably giant homes towering over their lot lines on all sides, stucco siding threatening to peel away at the seams, non-functional porches and decorative turrets clashing with too-tiny columns and modern-Mediterranean arches, all tossed together by a builder who once flipped through an issue of Architectural Digest and pronounced it too wordy.

With construction rates continuing apace in Houston, it’s only a matter of time before someone designs the ultimate McMansion. Above, we toss our own hat into the ring.

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