It's Not People

I Didn't Shake Hard Enough: The Soylent Diaries, Day Six

One foodie's struggle to subsist on Soylent for seven days

By Nicholas L. Hall November 1, 2014

Read the first installment of The Soylent Diaries here, the second here, the third here, the fourth here, and the fifth here.

Day Six

8:35 am

I just dumped a scoop of Soylent into a cup of coffee. Standard bartender-style stirring doesn't work. A much more vigorous approach is required. It's better, in that it doesn't taste much like Soylent, but worse in that I ruined a perfectly good pour-over of Amaya Roasting Co. Los Santos.

8:47 am

Stirring will never mix this stuff thoroughly enough. The bottom of the glass is like the Mississippi delta. I got these no food for six days, drinking my dinner, Lord give me a hamburger blues...

9:42 am

Hot dog smells emanating from the concession stand at this gymnastics competition like woah. I love hot dogs. Ifs, ands, uh, and butts.

10:17 am

Explaining project to my mother. I think she thinks I'm a fool.

12:06 pm

People asking me where I want to eat after this gymnastics meet is over. Whut? And these people are family.

1:30 pm

Buffalo Grille. Twenty people, including 10 children, four kids under a year. I spent my lunch retrieving forks, fetching syrup, holding various babies, and cutting pancakes. One sister in law asked if the social aspect was difficult. I noted that it was actually easier with all the distractions. Somehow, this led to an argument with a different sister-in-law, about moral law and the role of counsel. Arguing consequentialism vs. deontology on an empty stomach is a surprisingly futile endeavor.

1:53 pm

Lanny Griffith is eating a burger at the next table. I wish I had my Soylent with my. Drinking Soylent with Lanny would have been a cool feeling. 

2:42 pm

Watch out for that first sip. It's a doo-hoo-hoozy. Seriously though. The first and the last sip. Always the worst. I've decided, though, that a batch of Soylent needs a minimum of six hours in the fridge to shake its worst attributes (extreme grittiness, old egg roll flavor).

11:44 pm

I didn't shake hard enough. The chunks. THE CHUNKS.

11:45 pm

I found someone, an adult, who likes Soylent. My mother-in-law. Then again, she drinks Boone's Farm for reasons other than blackout shenanigans, and has been known to add sugar TO HER WINE.

11:46 pm

I haven't bombed Soylent yet. Currently trying to goad Chris Frankel into doing it with me. Will report back. 

Check back tomorrow for Day Seven of the end of food.

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