Ah, Father's Day. It's a time to celebrate our dads and—just as importantly—a time to tell the corniest, goofiest jokes around. 

Yes, we at Houstonia love a good Dad joke, whether its punny, actually clever, or so silly it's funny—we love them almost as much as our actual dads. This Father's Day, we encourage you to tell as many jokes as possible. Nay, we beseech you. And to help you on this quest for tomfoolery, we've rounded up some of our staff's favorite jokes, jests, and witticisms. Make someone chuckle; we all could do with more laughter these days.


The set up: Why can't a toe be 12 inches long? 

The punchline: Because then it would be a foot.

—Catherine Wendlandt, digital editor 


The set up: What’s the difference between a penguin and a lightbulb?

The punchline: One’s a penguin.

—Dianna Wray, interim editor-in-chief


The set up: How do you make holy water?

The punchline: You boil the hell out it.

—Emma Schkloven, associate editor


The set up: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

The punchline: A buck an ear

—Kaitlyn Miller, intern


The set up: Why did the old man fall in the well?

The punchline: Because he couldn't see that well. 

—Monica Fuentes Carroll, art director


The set up: You're driving past a graveyard.

The punchline: "You know people are dying to get in there." 

—Timothy Malcolm, dining editor


The set up: Why don't melons get married?

The punchline: Because they cantaloupe.

—Emma Schkloven, associate editor


The set up: What did the fish say when it hit a wall? 

The punchline: Dam.

—Catherine Wendlandt, digital editor 


The set up: Why can’t you trust stairs?

The punchline: They’re always up to something

—Kaitlyn Miller, intern


A story: I saw my friend at an intersection and in the backseat of his car he had a dozen penguins. He told me he found them wandering around in the street. I told him, “You need to take these lost penguins to the zoo or something!” “You are right!” he said,  and then he drove off.

The next day I saw him again at the intersection and the penguins were still in the backseat! This time they were sitting on a beach towel and had sunglasses on. I said, “I thought you were going to take these penguins to the zoo?!”

He replied, “I did! We had such a good time we decided today to go to the beach!”

—Amy Kinkead, associate art director

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