A squad of ladies turned I-45 into Club-45 after stopping traffic mid-highway for a pop-up twerk sesh that had drivers wondering if they’d accidentally driven into a music video…or a sermon. With gospel music blaring from a nearby car, the whole thing felt like a booty-meets-the-Bible moment. Naturally, the internet had thoughts. Some were here for the chaos, while others clutched their pearls. Regardless, you can never say Houston gets boring.

During a Giants-Astros game, two former players-turned-broadcasters took a foul ball detour down memory lane—and veered straight into roasting Houston’s beloved but crumbling Astrodome. While reminiscing on their Houston days, they said even a bathroom had more charm than the Dome. Shots fired. To be fair, neither of them played particularly well there, but hey, it was the big leagues, and nostalgia makes even bad batting averages look cute.

Remember when US war plans were accidentally leaked to a national publication via text? Well, Senator Ted Cruz basically called it a whoopsie. He even compared the whole fiasco to a butt dial—yep, like FaceTiming your ex, but instead of awkward silence, it’s classified intel about Yemen. Meanwhile, most of us are still stuck on how a national security group chat forgot it wasn’t private. Signal might be encrypted, but apparently, common sense isn’t.

Speaking of the US senator, Ted Cruz tossed some brisket, beer, and Blue Bell on the line for his beloved Houston Cougars—and lost it all faster than you can say “dunk.” The Coogs blew a double-digit lead right after the senator was spotted courtside, leading many to wonder if his courtside karma struck again. Now, Florida gets the W, the barbecue, and a photo op of Cruz in Gator gear. At this point, Texas teams might want to put the senator on a watchlist for playoff sabotage.

Some H-E-B employees are officially pawsitively fed up. One curbside worker in Spring Branch launched a petition to leash the chaos and keep non-service pets out of the store, after dealing with everything from sneaky faux service pups to a literal monkey sighting. Between dog drool, shopping cart piddles, and a boyfriend who’s terrified of tail-waggers, this teen is done—and hundreds agree. Her plea? Stop treating H-E-B like a petting zoo and start enforcing the dang rules.

A Houston man allegedly swiped over $760,000 worth of bling from a Tiffany & Co. in Florida, then tried to pull off the ol’ dine and dash. After bolting from the store (but oops, dropping the ring), he was caught hours later and decided to swallow the earrings like they were multi-karat snacks. The cops had to wait nearly two weeks for the high-priced jewels to, uh, pass. Now he’s facing serious charges—and probably never wants to see another X-ray machine again.

Houston congressman Al Green brandished his cane to protest President Donald Trump during his Address to the Joint Session of Congress, insisting he didn’t have a mandate for slashing vital government programs. This high-decibel display prompted a spirited chorus from Republicans, culminating in Green being briskly guided out by the House sergeant-at-arms. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas quipped at Green’s behavior, calling him an…rhymes with “bass.” Seems this season of Real Housewives of the Capitol is off to a dramatic start—someone pass the popcorn.

Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX) found himself in a predicament when a sizzling microphone seemed to catch him uttering some lethal language aimed at a certain talk show firebrand. After threatening to, let’s just say, dispose of Tucker Carlson, the US representative insists he was simply kidding around. Carlson, never one to be shy, invited Crenshaw to talk it out on air. Guess we’ll have to see if that podcast episode ever comes to fruition.

Class was out, but so were the handcuffs when a group of high school seniors had their Skip Day overshadowed by a sudden cameo from local law enforcement and a forbidden beach toy. After police responded to shots fired in Galveston, six teenagers were detained and multiple beaches were shut down. No one was harmed, but the kerfuffle served as a stern reminder that skipping class can sometimes lead to detention.

When it comes to streaming, trolls spamming with silly memes is typically the feared danger—not this time. A trio of thrill seekers tried a real-life crypto heist when they crashed a popular content creator's home, aiming for her digital wallet. Unfortunately for them, what they got was a bullet-point lesson in home defense from her spouse. While the streamer ended up with minor bumps and bruises, her e-safe is, well, safe.

The Houston Police Department recently discovered a rather hilarious security breach featuring some tiny, furry criminals with a taste for aged contraband. Seems some bandit rats developed quite the taste for confiscated marijuana, leading the DA and the mayor to announce a big clean-up of the HPD evidence room. Hopefully, these rats have an alibi.

Looks like someone tried to turn Polk Street into a NASCAR track overnight. A fake 60 mph speed limit sign randomly popped up, leaving drivers confused with the real 30 mph sign posted right across the street. While a public works team has removed the rogue sign, the culprit behind the faux speed limit remains an elusive mystery. We knew Houstonians love fast driving; guess we just didn’t know how much.

An IT worker turned snack box mogul took a crack at being a fake lawyer when he tried to strong-arm a rival out of the game. How did he do this, you ask? By using an official US Attorney’s Office letterhead to issue a very unauthorized cease and desist. His side hustle wasn’t the only thing on the menu—he also allegedly helped himself to some fake military leave. Now, Fake It Till You Make It might be looking at a full serving of federal time and a heavy side of fines.

Galveston’s resident haute coyotes have many residents growling with concern. While some islanders want to roll out the welcome mat and enjoy the ecological perks these runway-ready canines bring, others think their pet-snatching escapades have run amok. In fact, one local resident threatened vigilante justice with a suggestion to shoot the animals. A Texan problem if we ever saw one.

Houston rapper OG 2 Low made podcast history with a bang when his gun accidentally went off in his pants mid-interview on Tha Dirty 3rd. He inadvertently proved his own point while discussing the mistakes young artists make by unintentionally firing…from the hip. The internet didn’t let it slide, with a DJ crowning the rapper as “dummy of the week” on social media. Talk about popping off.

A Galveston church’s holiday spirit melted after a brisket bandit made away with its barbecue pit before Christmas. Temple Emanuel Christian Church reported the theft via a Facebook post with a surveillance video of a truck committing the crime. The church did not let this pit-iful theft ruin their cheer and vowed to keep up the joy through the season. Hopefully, the police can smoke out the culprit.

Rep. Dan Crenshaw lashed out over accusations of insider trading. After Fox News implied he was cashing in on Capitol tips, Crenshaw set the record straight in an interview with Free Press saying he doesn’t “have any fucking money to put in the stock market,” calling the reports misleading. I guess everyone gets to crash out now and then.

Charles Barkley may be a Hall of Famer, but his analysis of the Rockets was as flat as their losing streak to the Warriors was long. The Houston basketball squad just snapped a 15-game losing skid against the Bay Area team and made it to the NBA Cup semifinals. After their victory, Barkley dunked on the team, criticizing their unpolished play and unrefined skills (like we didn’t just do something major). Damn, can we catch a break?