Question: Who is more upset by the recent dissolution of Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner's relationship? Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner, or this writer, who has now been unceremoniously stripped of her one real opportunity to write about the Kardashians for a regional publication 1,500 miles away from Los Angeles?

*Cue "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.*

Without being attached to Travis, Houston's prodigal son, the 22-year-old superstar billionaire's sphere of relevance to this audience is essentially obliterated. Some of you—maybe even most of you—might rejoice in that, but not this writer. No, this writer is hurting. This writer, a self-fashioned Travis-and-Kylie expert of sorts—not two days ago we had to explain to coworkers that, yes, though they call each other "husband" and "wifey," no, they aren't actually married—legitimately "shipped" this couple (that's what the kids are saying these days, right?) and actually believed in their young love. So when seemingly everyone else rolled their eyes and feigned shock at the TMZ bombshell announcing their "break" on Tuesday evening, this writer was actually floored. Shocked. Saddened!

Kylie has since taken to Twitter to confirm the split and also denounce rumors of a late-night rendezvous with her ex, Tyga. "Travis and I are on great terms and our main focus right now is Stormi," she wrote, adding that, along with their daughter, the pair's "friendship" is a priority. Say it ain't so.

Alas, such is life. We're crossing our fingers for a reconciliation—if not for more Kylie sightings in Houston, then at least for Stormi's sake—and, in the mean time, we'll leave you with a few of our favorite piping hot takes served on the internet this week, including some #conspiracies.