In this nation most divided, I have to take a stand: I support Burger King, not McDonald’s, now and forever. In addition to serving unctuous, customizable hamburgers that are in every way far superior to those flaccid meat discs proffered by the Golden Arches, Burger King also now is the inventor and source of an innovation so transcendent that it makes molecular gastronomy look like culinary juvenalia.
Mac ’N’ Cheetos should be crowned Food of the Century immediately and without equivocation. No other dish that emerges in the next 83 years can hope to achieve its level of brilliance. The genius and resulting success of Mac ’N’ Cheetos is based on a simple premise that requires sophisticated execution: the combining of two foods to form a third that is better than the sum of its already inarguably flawless parts.
First, consider the ontological perfection of Cheetos: crispy, fried coils of cornmeal enveloped in intense powdered cheddar. Opposite but equally divine virtues are manifested in mac 'n' cheese, whose curved noodles derive their gustatory power from a soft, silky texture and coating of unctuous liquid cheese. Via the marriage of these two items, the chefs at Burger King created Mac ’N’ Cheetos, a dish that is simultaneously firm and supple, arid and moist, snack and meal (sneal?), and above all, bursting with robust coagulated dairy flavor.
When I finished my portion while sitting in my Mazda in the midday sun, I wept with joy and just a hint of sadness. For while I am certain in the coming years, flattery in the form of imitations will follow (Fettuccine Alfredo Fingers at the Olive Garden, etc.), none will match Mac ‘N’ Cheetos. And like all things of great beauty, their presence is but ephemeral, so go now to your local Burger King.