This summer's food trends have been the most outrageous yet. And though I’m really sorry to suck the fun out of everything, someone has to stand up for what is right and holy. And kids' cereal masquerading as real food, for grown-ups with jobs? That is clearly the work of culinary Satan.
Here are this summer’s worst offenders that absolutely need to go:
1. Unicorn/fairy/galaxy/mermaid-themed foods
I’m not sure whether to blame Instagram or Starbucks for these disgusting, sugary monstrosities that are taking over all that is sacred.
I’m a fan of funfetti and birthday cake flavors, but somebody had to take things too far. I’m tired of biting into donuts only to find not cream, but thick, colorful icing and sprinkles that don’t add any taste but certainly do get in the way.
I like Pride as much as the next person, but we’re just going to have to admit that not everything tastes best when it’s a rainbow. I’m 100 percent against sacrificing flavor for visuals that will only succeed in an Instagram post. I was willing to let this trend slide in the name of creativity, but then I saw this grilled cheese and that was the last straw. Somebody stop this train wreck before it completely destroys lunch culture.
🥑#Avocado bun burgers, avocado fritters, avocado on toast 🍞— the beloved superfood is here to stay. Nutritious and delicious, it's packed with Vitamin K, which is essential for bone health; folate, which helps fight depression; and healthy fatty acids, which are great for your complexion 💁Go green and #getpeachfit! 🍑 #morningmotivation #healthyfood #healthymom #breakfast #lunch #fruits #avocadobun #avocadofritters #ukfitfam #ukfitness #fitmum #fitfam #fitmom #fitmums #healthyeating #nutrition #london #instagood #food #instafood #londonlife #londonmums
While I don’t like avocados, I don’t mind their existence. Guacamole has its place, and I don’t mind a small slice in my sandwiches. But things have gotten out of hand. Honestly, I’m disgusted at the price of avocado toast. And using them for hamburger bun replacements — how am I supposed to pick that up?
Stay in your lane, avocados.
3. Putting Fruity Pebbles on everything
I’m tempted to leave this alone, but I just see the potential for disaster here. My nightmares are filled with a possible synthesis with offender No. 1. The truth is, Americans eat enough sugar as it is—we don't need to coat already saccharine foods in more. Insulin companies may curse me, but this isn't doing anyone else (except cereal manufacturer Post, and, perhaps Fred Flintstone) any favors.
Despite all these terrible trends dominating the food industry, there's one that can stay...
Sticking the landing: Sushi in the form of other foods
Make me a bun out of sticky rice and serve it to me as a burger. Start making a sushi roll, don't cut it, and then pass it off as a burrito. I don't care how you put those flavor combos together. I'm into it. Fish and rice are here to stay.