The Snarkivist

The Straight Guide to Gay Wedding Gifts

The definition of traditional marriage is shifting, but some wedding traditions—like the registry—are eternal.

By Javier Garza August 25, 2015

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Image: Shutterstock

Thanks to five activist judges, the number of weddings the average urbanite attends is  increasing substantially. Now that marriage equality is the law of the land, it’s time to start gearing up for yet another plethora of wedding invitations.

So far this summer I’ve already spent a ton of money on nuptials that could have gone to student loans. (That’s what I told my parents, at least, but these weddings really are cutting into my drinking money.) It’s a cliché that gay people are more affluent, more cultured, more discerning of taste, and while stereotypes are bad and reductive, it doesn’t mean you can’t help your friends celebrate their nuptials with some posh gifts.  

Though the definition of traditional marriage is shifting, some wedding traditions are eternal. To wit: 1) always go by the gift registry, 2) never burden the brides or grooms by bringing a gift to the actual wedding, 3) the gift for the shower is the wedding gift, and 4) you have up to one year from the wedding date to send the couple a gift.

Now, if Jen and Marcy decided to not create a registry and you still want to show some love, here are some ideas that can help them achieve marital bliss.


It may be considered uncouth to bring cash to a wedding, but one is also not supposed to burden the newlyweds with having to haul a new Kitchenaid stand mixer from a Mexican resort back to the States. Cash makes a great gift because it’s easy to transport and, you know, who doesn’t need more money? Try to give smaller bills, so they have money on hand to tip valets, go-go boys, and Crystal, the bartender from Meteor.

Travel Luggage

If you’re not a homosexual, then you may not be aware of the busy travel schedules we have to keep. The White Party in April, Southern Decadance in the Fall, Lesbians' Weekend on Memorial Day—don't even get me started on the Britney Spears residency in Las Vegas. All require travel, and what better to get your newly wed friends than some new travel luggage You can’t go wrong with classics like Samsonite or Tumi, or get creative and pick out something colorful from LeSportsac or opt for something utilitarian, like the Barracuda, equipped with a GPS and USB charger.

Barbecue set

The LGBTQ community is known for their soirees and in Houston that means barbecues. If your friends have a pool or a beach house in Galveston, what better to ingratiate yourself than with a new barbecue set. It’s a win for you because now you have a reason to not wait in line at Killen’s and instead hang out with the brides/grooms and have them cook delicious meat for you.

[Blank] of the Month Club

Spread the love all year long with a monthly surprise. While cheese, bacon or wine of the month clubs are fine, try something unorthodox yet necessary like Andrew Christian’s Underwear of the Month Club or Sock Panda’s Sock of the Month Club. The “Bottoms for a Top” (or vise versa) joke practically writes itself.


As we get older, our palettes tend to change. For gays, that means we upgrade from Red Bull and vodka to fancy-pants craft beverages like Manhattans or Vieux Carres. Help your friends usher in a new lifestyle by gifting them with a barware accessories, like midcentury modern cocktail glasses or a sculptural decanter. You’re probably going to spend more time drinking over boardgames at their house anyway, because even though they deny it and say they will still want to head out to Blur, your friends are probably going to become homebodies after the wedding.

Gay Parenting Books

Blake and Tyler sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Tyler with a baby carriage. If you know your friends are wanting to start a family soon after marriage, you can’t go wrong with getting some literature on parenting. Both Dan Savage and Dan Bucantinsky have written excellent memoirs on the trials and tribulations of being a homosexual parent. I would only get this for super-close friends, because you don’t want to be the annoying person who keeps harassing them about the difference between surrogacy and adoption.

Amazon Echo

Who doesn’t want an Amazon Echo? This device operates like the Starship Enterprise’s computer, except without the Celine Dion chest pounding. It can answer important questions like: How many ounces are in a cup? When did Valley of the Dolls come out? How do you spell Mykonos? Are Tegan and Sara single?

Homemade Scrapbook

So this one’s a bit tricky, but it could work depending on how crafty you are. Many of the marrieds I know don’t really remember their wedding day. It’s a flurry of vows, drinks, poetry readings, and overpriced canapés. Try to construct a lovely and personalized book for the their wedding memories. Plus with all the money they spent on those photographers, it’ll be wonderful to give them a place to house them. Try to get the supplies from an LGBT friendly vendor, so you can brag to everyone on how you’re boycotting Hobby Lobby.

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