Go to Hell, Cupid

5 Totally Romance-Free Things to Do for Valentine's Day

Riding solo is no reason to throw away a perfectly good Friday night.

By Abby Ledoux February 7, 2020

Valentine's Day is one week away. If you're in love, congratulations, this post is not for you. (Try this one, this one, or this one.) But if you're fed up, swiped out, and all out of love (so lost without you), you've come to the right place.

There's no reason to waste a perfectly good Friday night simply because you're unattached. Or scorned. In fact, you can channel that energy and whatever else you're feeling about the onslaught of lovey-dovey BS into one hella therapeutic evening with the best company of all: you.

No, of course you're not thinking of anything or anyone in particular while you do this, that would be diabolical.

Hurl Weapons Through the Air

Houston Axe Throwing Bellaire & Katy

Liberate your inner lumberjack at Houston's first indoor urban axe throwing range, where trained "axeperts" will show you proper form and safe handling. Nailing your first bullseye will make you feel like the badass you are—talk about stress relief, not to mention a killer adrenaline rush. Walk-ins start at $20/person for one (unguided) hour, though a $25 fully guided public class—30 minutes of lesson/practice, 60 minutes of games—is recommended for first-time throwers.

Feels a little too good.

Throw a Literal Tantrum

Tantrums LLC Spring Branch

Need to get a little more physical? Let it all out without sacrificing your security deposit at Houston's first "premier rage room," where destroying things is not only accepted but encouraged. Find "relaxation after devastation," as Tantrums's website says, by "totally annihilating" a room of highly breakable stuff—dishes, TVs, windshields, and more—with a sledgehammer, baseball bat, lead pipe, or golf club à la Tiger's ex. A Valentine's Day special of two people for $100 (20-minute session) runs through Feb 15; regular per-person pricing starts at $30 for five minutes. Just be sure to wear long pants and closed-toe shoes—you're breaking objects here, not bones.

Never forget.

Embrace Your Emo Side

Nothing Matters Emo/Indie/Punk Dance Party | Feb 14, 10 p.m.; The Secret Group EaDo

Cue up the MCR, line your lower lids, and get ready party like it's 2006. DJ Robocops hosts this emo dance party every second and fourth Friday of the month, which just so happens to fall on V-Day this year—coincidence? Sure, whatever. Mosh to your favorite throwbacks all night long with the help of cheap drinks, unless of course you're straight-edge. Free for 21+ before 11 p.m.; $5 after; $10 for 18+.

What's scarier than getting ghosted? An actual ghost.

Scare Yourself Silly

Cupid's Revenge | Feb 14, 8:30–11 p.m.; ScreamWorld | Greater Greenspoint

Nothing will take your mind off a bad breakup like trying to survive a house of horrors, and this one—in operation since 1989 and lauded as the best in Houston—just happens to be Valentine's themed. We're not entirely sure what that entails, but if it's anything like the regular ScreamWorld experience (featuring convincing props, actors, and attractions like a voodoo swamp teeming with critters, a rotten slaughterhouse, an outdoor maze overrun with evil clowns, and a zombie graveyard), you're in for a scary good time. One-night only; must be 16+; tickets $20-25.

A perfect image.

Just Stay Home

Honestly? You + your couch + a bottle of something to take the edge off = a damn near perfect Friday night, if you ask us. UberEats something highly caloric and deeply delicious, queue up your Netflix binge of choice (if you're the last remaining person on Planet Earth to watch Cheer, you might wanna get on that), and bask in the total and complete lack of pressure to perform.

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