5 Things: The Everything’s-Being-Cancelled Edition

5 Houston-Connected Songs to Sing While Washing Your Hands

Remember to cough into your elbow … and stop hoarding all the toilet paper.

By Emma Schkloven March 13, 2020

Image: Pixabay and Emma Schkloven

As Houston undergoes a wave of coronavirus fever—one that is leading to shut downs of art shows, theater productions, sporting events, and festivals—it feels inappropriate to post a 5 Things to Do This Weekend. So instead, we’re going in a different direction this week.

The CDC lists a five-step method on how to properly wash your hands. They also recommend singing “Happy Birthday” twice from beginning to end to make sure you’ve scrubbed for at least 20 full seconds. But “Happy Birthday” is so … boring.

Here’s a list of Houston-related songs guaranteed to get you that magic 20, and then some.

1. Beyoncé, “Love on Top”

Don’t know about you, but nothing gets us in the mood to belt it out quite like H-Town’s own Queen Bey. So why not make your hand-washing routine flawless by throwing in a little Sasha Fierce? You don’t even have to try for her same killer high notes to groove out to this sultry pop hit.

Hand-washing refrain: "Baby it's you / You're the one I love / You're the one I need / You're the only one I see / Come on baby it's you / You're the one that gives your all / You're the one I can always call / When I need to make everything stop / Finally you put my love on top"

2. ZZ Top, “Sharp Dressed Man”

If you’re looking for something less poppy, look no further than this 1983 rock classic by Houston’s own long-haired rockers. Sure, the tune’s almost four decades old, but its fuzzy riffs still kick ass. Just maybe don’t jam out on your air guitar with sudsy hands.  

Hand-washing chorus: "Clean shirt, new shoes / And I don't know where I am goin' to / Silk suit, black tie / I don't need a reason why / They come runnin' just as fast as they can / 'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man"

3. Lyle Lovett, “That’s Right (You’re Not From Texas)”

North Harris County native Lyle Lovett likes to end his tours in back in the Lone Star State. When he does, this swingin’ country number often makes an appearance. Sing twice for best results.

Hand-washing chorus: "That's right you're not from Texas / That's right you're not from Texas / That's right you're not from Texas / But Texas wants you anyway / That's right you're not from Texas /That's right you're not from Texas / That's right you're not from Texas / But Texas wants you anyway)"

4. Lizzo, “Truth Hurts”

Last year brought the sudden success of the former Alief resident’s “Truth Hurts,” become the longest-running Billboard Hot 100 No. 1 by a solo female rapper ever. And with a chorus clocking in at just over 20 seconds, it clearly needs to be your new hand-washing anthem too.

Hand-washing refrain: "Why men great 'til they gotta be great? / Don't text me, tell it straight to my face / Best friend sat me down in the salon chair / Shampoo press, get you out of my hair/ Fresh photos with the bomb lighting / New man on the Minnesota Vikings / Truth hurts, needed something more exciting / Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay"

5. Willie Nelson, “On The Road Again”

Sure, the country legend’s not actually from Houston, but he’s got enough Bayou City cred to be included on this list. After all, he’s played RodeoHouston (RIP Rodeo 2020) a whopping 11 times. While this fan-favorite ditty clocks in at about 30 second, there’s something poetic about practicing good hygiene to a Nelson song originally penned on an airplane barf bag.

Hand-washing refrain: "On the road again / I just can't wait to get on the road again / The life I love is makin' music with my friends / And I can't wait to get on the road again / On the road again / Goin' places that I've never been / Seein' things that I may never see again / And I can't wait to get on the road again"

If none of these tunes speak to your inner diva, check out our honorable mentions:

Hilary Duff, “Come Clean”

With the possible Lizzie McGuire revival on hold, we're drowning our sorrows by revisiting Hilary Duff's best musical moments. While we all know what her best song clearly is, this track off the Houston native's debut album literally has cleanliness in the title.

Hand-washing refrain: "Let the rain fall down / And wake my dreams / Let it wash away / My sanity / 'Cause I wanna feel the thunder / I wanna scream / Let the rain fall down / I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean"

Drake, “God’s Plan”

Everyone knows Drake’s love of Houston knows no bounds, so it’s only fitting we give him a nod.

Hand-washing refrain: "God's plan, God's plan / I hold back, sometimes I won't, yuh / I feel good, sometimes I don't, ay, don't / I finessed down Weston Road, ay, 'nessed / Might go down a G.O.D., yeah, wait / I go hard on Southside G, yuh, Way / I make sure that north side eat / And still / Bad things / It's a lot of bad things / That they wishin' and wishin' and wishin' and wishin' / They wishin' on me"

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