Trick or Treat

Ghoulish Glycemic Goodies At Your Grocery Store

Halloween is approaching and you need to be ready with (occasionally) delicious novelty snacks.

By Joanna O'Leary October 11, 2016

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Set your tastebuds to "orange colored cream!"

If the words “limited edition” or “seasonal flavor” are your siren’s call (to snack), it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

I’m talking about the trimester comprising the Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas holiday trifecta, a period in which seemingly every junk food company on the planet is offering themed treats in celebration. While some on offer are frankly crap, others are more satisfying impulse purchases. Behold my autumnal picks!

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The spooky part is the flesh tone filling.

Among the litany of pumpkin-flavored products foisted upon the public starting in September a few stand out as more than marginally better than the others. Pumpkin Milanos from Pepperidge Farm provide a lovely contrast between bitter dark chocolate and sweet, spicy squash and also will make you feel all refined and ****. Hostess’ new Pumpkin Cheesecake Twinkies also deserve a shoutout for managing to project some ostensibly natural nutmeg notes amidst the thick internal squish of zippy cream.

Big Joanna found herself a surprising fan of Little Debbie’s chocolate “Fall Party Cakes,” ovals of extremely moist (thank you, hydrogenated oils) yellow cake layered with cocoa icing. She also wishes she had a chance to try Debbie’s Caramel Apple Oatmeal Creme Pies, but sadly they are absent from local supermarket shelves. Leads welcome!

See Cheetos for some savory skeleton fun in the form of their “Bag o’ Bones,” which contains four different ossiferous shapes of cheese crisps dusted with (appropriately) desiccated white cheddar.

Finally, there’s oldie-but-goodie Halloween Oreos, which somehow taste better simply by nature of their bright orange hue (which, Nabisco really wants you to know, does not mean they taste like the eponymous fruit) and cute Hallow’s Eve tableaux vivantes carved into the wafers. Sorry. Not cute, scary. Though likely the only thing about these snacks that will truly raise your blood pressure is the nutrition (or lack thereof) within.

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