Okay, so my absolute first choice for a themed Super Bowl snack would be a life-size buttercream frosted cake replica of Falcons’ safety Keanu Neal, because Lord knows I want me a piece of that.
But since no Houstonian has stepped up to the task (so far—I’m on Twitter, people!), I will gladly settle for the spectrum of football-shaped treats that have cropped up in local shops, bakeries, and restaurants.
Petite Sweets is offering the most diverse selection of edible prolate spheroids. My favorites include the football Rice Krispie treats dipped in milk chocolate and the moist dark chocolate football cake balls.
Pimped-out Rice Krispie treats coated in all sorts of goodness really need to be more of a thing. Oh wait, they already are. Starting the week of the Super Bowl, Petite Sweets will also have macarons in the Patriots’ and Falcons’ respective colors; pick up a dozen of your preferred team and pass them out to rival fans at whatever soiree you’re attending in sweet passive-aggressive fashion.
The Richmond location of World Market, perennial purveyor of global dainties such as shrimp chips, Cadbury digestives and Düsseldorf mustard, is selling Usinger’s beef summer sausage, which (irony noted) comes in the form of a pigskin. Throw some spirals with this sausage across the living room, and if you’re feeling really daring, spike it just before slicing it and layering on crackers with some smoky spreadable cheese.
You can get psyched for the big game and Mardi Gras at the same by picking up a festive football shaped king cake from Three Brothers Bakery. Make sure you consume the entire thing by halftime, so you can make the tiny, plastic baby dance along to Lady Gaga.
Finally, for candy footballs you can snarf by the dozen head to Party City for a bag o’ Palmer’s. Pro tip: Party City (usually) only offers Palmer’s plain chocolate footballs, but if you order online straight from the source you can score the peanut butter-filled version. Just in case you're feeling fancy.