Ice Cheese

So, We Made (and Tasted) a Queso Popsicle

The question isn't 'How is it?' The question is 'Why?'

By Timothy Malcolm July 3, 2019

Look, this is really stupid. I know.

But a few weeks ago, someone on the Boston Reddit page decided to shove a bunch of Campbell's Chunky New England Clam Chowder into a popsicle mold, freeze it, and then show it off.

The New England clam chowder popsicle went viral and was subsequently picked up by Boston magazine

It got me thinking: "How can I insert myself into this unnecessary and trivial bit of ridiculousness with an end-goal of writing about it?"

So I set out to make a popsicle of a very Houston food, something we all know, love, and enjoy—something that defines us, sparks debates, and also, would be easy to fit into a popsicle mold. Crawfish? Not going to work. Barbecue? Eh—I can hear the barbecue crowd grumbling a mile away. Pho? Getting warmer. Ah! Of course! I know!

I visited a local establishment known for selling queso (the establishment, which doesn't know its part of this experiment, is being kept anonymous) and acquired two to-go containers. One container's contents was for me to eat with chips that night, while the other's contents was to be spooned into a popsicle mold. It was then frozen overnight.

Behold ... yuck.

Then, I tried the queso popsicle. Reader, there's a reason we shouldn't do these things.

I actually swallowed the first bite, but I couldn't in any conscience finish the second bite, spitting it out. The queso popsicle is not good. Don't try it. Not this summer. Not this Independence Day. Not now. Not ever.

I suppose in some way I was doing a service to y'all. Now you won't have to endure the taste of a cheesy, slightly spicy, and very creamy block of ice. My suggestion: Just have it hot with chips. You're welcome.

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