The Blacklight Run advertises itself as a “unique night 5K fun run focused less on speed and more on UV Neon Glowing fun with friends and family,” but we know what it really is: a chance for those trapped in that pitiable purgatory between No Longer Young and No Longer Care to be baptized in fluorescent food grade powder, momentarily postponing their decline into cultural irrelevance. Sounds fun, right?

No doubt you’ll want to join us at Sam Houston Race Park on August 1 for an evening of color, sweat and bangaranging à la the Lost Boys in Hook. The run, we’ve been told, induces a trance-like state not unlike the kaleidoscopic and dreamlike experiences one has at a rave, which is something else that postpones irrelevance. Apparently.

What we know for sure is that at various points during the run, we will find ourselves doused with Blacklight Run™ UV Neon Glow Powder, and so take on the appearance of psychedelic lightning bugs whenever the light catches us. Finally, assuming all goes well, we will celebrate at the finish line with myriad tired, colorful joggers, all of us smiling wide with red, blue and green teeth.

Of note, there is apparently a two-tiered system of participation in the Blacklight Run, which donates a portion of its proceeds to charity. For $40, one receives merch like a Blacklight Run™ T-shirt, a Blacklight Run™ Glow in the Dark Tattoo and a Blacklight Run™ Race Bib. But why not go out in a blaze of glory? Purchase the $75 VIP package and you get all of the above plus shutter shades, LED rings and more, all perfect for the Blacklight Run After Party™, where racers are encouraged to “celebrate the night away, all while dancing to the best beats.”

You won’t recognize the course, you may not recognize the music, and there’s only a tiny chance you’ll recognize yourself. But it will all be worth it for the chance to glow again, however briefly. 

The Blacklight Run begins at 8:45 pm, August 1 at Sam Houston Race Park. Tickets are $40 to $75.