I blame the trying-on process. You squeeze into a sliver of a dressing room that probably doesn't even have a door—just one of those curtains with a huge a gap that's not hiding anything. Anyway, you're there, undressing, wedged into the corner because, you know, the gap, and then you hold up the first suit.
"That's not my size!" you say. "That must be for an eight year old!" Gulp. You go for it anyway, and it's like squeezing into your tighest pair of Spanx—which is great because it puts everything in the right place, if you know what I mean, but requires an expertise in acrobatic moves not for the faint of heart (or that dang tiny dressing room). But you did it. (Don't worry about that back fat squeezing through the ill-placed cutout. Nobody'll see that.) Success!
Sigh. Don't tell me you haven't been there. I've seen you through that gap. But, don't fret this year, because I did it—I found the greatest swimsuit ensemble of all time. It's from Pony Tales by Fables, a retro-cool line of western swimwear and attire, and the camo bottoms (yes, I said camo) are called the Annie (like Annie Get Your Gun! Am I reaching?) The camo-fringe combo is everything a Texas woman should ever want. And check out her General Lee-inspired shoes. Yes, please! (XOXO, Bo Duke!)