Arbitrary Criticism

The Glamorous Life of Leather Sweatpants

Not just for celebrities anymore.

By Catherine Martin November 3, 2014

Leather sweatpants are the only things protecting us from Justin Bieber's naked body.

From the first moment I saw them on Kanye West, I had only one question. Leather sweatpants: Why?

At first the contradiction might seem too much to cognitively process. Sweatpants were created for those days when the gym would just be the icing on the top of a day already literally from hell, when the evening is no longer worth anything but watching Mean Girls and eating a Caesar salad straight out of the bag.

Monrow vegan leather sweatpants, $175

Traditionally, these misery encasements come in a standard gray approximately the color of never getting laid again, which is just bland enough to easily hide stains and withstand not being washed for months on end. Sweatpants are made to cradle us in our darkest hour, and when we have emerged from our shells of self-pity they loyally await us in the pit of our closet, wadded up and stored for our next wallow.

Why would we ever create a dressier version of this? These days it’s not just celebrities at airports wearing leather sweatpants—it’s celebrities everywhere, at clubs and on runways and in bars, and for around $200 you and I can wear them to exciting venues as well. Weddings? Office parties? The library? All appropriate locales to sport your new look.

That is the draw of these magnificent lower-body wraps. Leather sweatpants come in the same baggy, drawstring-waisted splendor of your favorite pair, but suddenly they are fashion-forward enough that you can wear them to corner store to pick up another six-pack and people think you’re awesome and popular rather than sad and forever alone.

Waiting for an Uber to the club or the pizza delivery man?

Don’t be fooled into thinking that these sweatpants are only for outside use, either, even if they only come in shades of “getting laid every night for the rest of my life.” The virtually waterproof material is perfect for dropping all sorts of food on, from nacho cheese dust to chicken wings. Just apply a sponge and your favorite depression snacks will lift right off.

Sure, you can spend your Saturday nights on the couch dressed in some slouchy pair of sweatpants that haven’t seen daylight since you carried them in from your car. Or you can spend your Saturday nights on the couch dressed like a gangsta, ready at any time to transition from Golden Girls reruns to the dance floor.

Leather sweatpants are not the ultimate contradiction but rather the ultimate solution – proof that you can be comfortable and lazy while still remaining glamourous. 



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