Making the most of the great State Fair of Texas requires a game plan. You’ll be a mere, bumbling speck among 2.5 million fairgoers roaming Dallas’s Fair Park in pursuit of butter sculptures, car shows, and Midway thrills. Even at the gates to fried paradise, well-prepared groups stick out with wagons and ice chests (that don’t contain glass, alcohol, or metal knives and forks). And if you’re paying full price for admission—why?

In this ultimate insider’s guide, we’ve compiled an exhaustive list of where to find free samples, parades, cheap beer, the best patios, cleanish restrooms—basically, everything you need from September 27 to October 20 in order to navigate the fairgrounds’ 277 acres like a pro.

Safety first

While the euphoria of the first chomp on a Fletcher’s Original Corny Dog will never change, new safety rules instituted in the past couple of years include a minors policy, which requires an adult chaperone for children 17 and under after 5pm. (Note: one chaperone per six minors.)

Another change this year: a ban on guns, even permitted ones, to protect visitors who shouldn’t have to worry about crossfire while gnawing on a turkey leg. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton filed a lawsuit, but for now, the rule stands.

Getting there shouldn’t be the hard part

 Our favorite way to burn some pre–funnel cake calories is to walk or bike the Santa Fe Trail to the fair. Hang a left when you hit the dead end shortly after Hill Avenue, then head south on Parry Avenue after the trail ends. There are bike racks inside Gates 5, 6, and 11.

The next best bet for an easy, hassle-free arrival is to take the DART Rail Green Line to Fair Park Station, directly across from the main entrance, or the MLK, Jr. Station, near Gate 6. Both the Trinity Railway Express and the Denton County A-train have transfers to the Green Line.

For private transport without parking fees (or risking a DUI), take a rideshare to nearby watering holes. Across from the fair entrance, you can avoid the Uber line with a pickup or drop-off at Craft and Growler, Rayo Bar & Lounge, or Las Almas Rotas—and maybe have a drink while you’re at it. If you must drive, parking inside Fair Park is now $30.

Save money for more fair coupons with admission discounts

Who doesn’t want to go all 24 days? If you’re planning multiple visits, a season pass ($50) pays for itself on the second or third visit. Tickets are cheapest Monday through Thursday: $15 for adults and $10 for kids and seniors. After 5pm, everyone gets in for the price of a kid.

On opening day, September 27, get in for $10 at the ticket gate when you bring two jars of peanut butter to donate to the North Texas Food Bank. On Feed the Need Wednesdays, bring five canned food items to receive $5 admission.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are Dr Pepper Value Days, when you can get $10 admission by becoming a Big Tex Insider. Also on Tuesdays, most Midway rides are reduced to four coupons, or three coupons for kiddie rides. On Thrifty Thursdays, many food vendors offer one menu item at a reduced price. Thursday is also senior day: $5 tickets for attendees 60 years and older.

For discounted tickets on any day, North Texas McDonald’s have $5 off coupons located on tray liners and inside meal bags. Kroger also sells one-day admission tickets at a $3 discount through October 22.

Veterans, active or retired military, first responders, law enforcement, firefighters, and paramedics receive $5 off tickets with valid documentation, along with their spouses and children.

Lastly, Broadway Dallas’s new show, Songblazers, where Cirque du Soleil acrobats contort to country tunes, includes free admission to the fair on the day you go to the show.

Did someone say free samples?

The Go Texan Pavilion (formerly the Food and Fiber Pavilion) is the best place for Costco feels. Forgot what beer tastes like? Heineken and Dos Equis will sample their brews next to the Bluebonnet Roadhouse; Karbach Brewing Co. will sample next to Trio on the Green; Yuengling will be in the Texas Beer and Wine Garden; Shiner will be at the Magnolia Beer Garden; and Kona Brewing and Estrella Jalisco will be on Nimitz Green.

When it’s time for a clean seat

While not quite Buc-ee’s, the Coliseum is the best bet when you need more than a port-a-potty. Unisex restrooms are located in the Embarcadero and Tower Buildings.

Cool off with a treat in the sweet AC

The Tower Building Food Court, a food hall with a throng of concessionaires, is the ideal place for food lovers to take a load off and cool down. In addition, Fernie’s Funnel Cakes in the Embarcadero Building has a full menu, tables and chairs, and cool air; and the historic Old Mill Inn will reopen for service this year.

Patio lovers take note

Enjoying fall weather is a major fringe benefit of going to the fair. The Backyard Steak-Out and Pizzeria has wood-fired pizzas, shade, live music, and the perfect view of the nightly Kroger Starlight Parade. Sports lovers will want to find Bluebonnet Roadhouse’s covered patio with multiple TVs, and Fernie’s Skyway Porch aims for grandma energy with rocking chairs and light bites. (Beer aficionados: see beer section below.)

Find parade magic

The opening day parade fitting of Big Tex himself is a tradition that starts at noon, this year on September 27. In addition, every night at 7:15pm, the Kroger Starlight Parade roams the fairgrounds with floats and life-size puppets. A pint-size parade for kids is new this year, starting near the Lagoon and ending with a performance on the Hall of State steps.

Giddyup!

Cowboy culture is on full display in the Fair Park Coliseum every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of the fair. The United Professional Rodeo Association will host its world finals October 17 through 20. Other popular competitions include the Mexican Fiesta Rodeo on October 6 and the Cowboys of Color Rodeo on October 13.

Good, clean fun for kids

Parents of nimble children will want to pick up wristbands from any Information Center on the grounds, part of the fair’s Safe Kids Program. Sensory-friendly mornings occur every Wednesday from 10am to 1pm.

Howdy’s, near the Children’s Aquarium, is the kid-friendliest patio with pizza, ice cream, and shows in the shade. For toddler-friendly rides and games, find the Kidway on the Midway.

Have kids who love animals? Watch rescue dogs perform tricks in the all-star stunt show in Marine Corp Square. Live animals can also be observed at Big Tex’s Discovery Farm, near the Lagoon, as well as the Oncor Petting Zoo that moved to the Pan Am Arena this year.

Other highlights include Dinosaurs at the Lagoon, with 10 life-size dinos, including a 57-foot-tall Alamosaurus, set in a play area. At the McDonald’s Amphitheater, watch 85 handmade marionettes come to life in the ¡Fiestas de Marionetas! If your little one is fascinated by bubbles, take them to the Soap Bubble Circus, where feats of bubble-ology occur. And don’t miss the synchronized pyrotechnics and fireworks of Mattress Firm’s Illumination Sensation on the Esplanade every night at 8pm.

For a good game

The busiest day of the fair is usually during the Red River Showdown, when Sooners fans overtake not only the fairgrounds but the entire city of Dallas. This year, it’s happening October 12. Now that the Texas Longhorns and the Oklahoma Sooners are both in the SEC, the stakes will be higher than ever. Another anticipated rivalry slated for the Cotton Bowl Stadium happens September 28 between Grambling State University and Prairie View A&M University.

Mingle with other beer and wine lovers

The fair presents multiple options to get fully into the fall spirit. The Texas Beer and Wine Garden features Texas-made booze, daily live music, and stand-up comedy on Friday nights. Find more outdoor brews at the Magnolia Beer Garden, Beer Haven, and flights at the Trio on the Green. (FYI: music lovers need this schedule.)

For German brews and a good show, look for the Hans Mueller stand next to the Chevrolet Main Stage. Devout Bavarian beer hall seekers will want to buy admission to Texas Discovery Gardens for German delights in a festive, rustic space with AC.

Most importantly, the cheapest beer in the park is in the Coca-Cola Food Court and the Beer Barn near the Cotton Bowl entrance.

Special diet? No worries.

The following concessions are known for having meatless eats: Bailey’s Deli, Belgian Waffles, Chan’s Chicken On a Stick, Doc’s Street Grill, Fletcher’s Original Corny Dogs, Fruteria Cano, Pineapple Man, Sandoitchi, Stay Cheesy, Sweet Connie’s Corn and Lemonade, and Texas Sugar Rush Pickles.

New vendors for vegetarians to check out this year include Crepes and Co., Dole Soft Serve, the Dumpling Experience, Kona Ice, Milton’s Amish Doughnuts, Pat’s Pizza and Subs, and Rita’s Italian Ice.

Take it from the pros

No one knows better how to make the most of the fair than concessionaires. Here’s what some of the veterans recommend.

Amber Fletcher, granddaughter of the corny dog inventor, says the best time to come to the fair is opening weekend when everything is clean, and “the energy is electric.” Fletcher’s has a total of seven stands in the fairgrounds, so if you balk at the line in the Big Tex Circle, where it’s tradition to take a selfie with the 55-foot cowboy with a corny dog in hand, you can still get a fix at one of the six other stands.

Amber and Mark Zable of Belgian Waffles shared the existence of a convenience store called the Lucky Seven, near the livestock buildings, that sells diapers, lip balm, and sunscreen. Another sweet tip: While saving extra fair coupons for next year is one idea, since they never expire, you could also exit with an altruistic bang by handing off unused coupons to a family with young kids.

The closest place to the Cotton Bowl to sit down, eat, drink, and watch live games is Christi Erpillo and Johnna McKee’s Fernie’s Funnel Cakes at the Dock in the Embarcadero Building. The sisters’ parents started working the same space at the fair 55 years ago; the funnel cakes are still made the way Fernie, the Funnel Cake Queen, did.

Greg Parish, who runs the Gourmet Royale stands popular for fried chicken and deep-fried seafood gumbo balls, advises those who are visiting especially for the food to come with an eating partner—or an eating group. Flexible cooler bags stocked with to-go containers is another way to make sure nothing goes to waste.

For Rose Deschenes of Bailey’s Deli, her favorite moments happen in the morning when the gates open at 10am. It’s a peaceful time for walking the Esplanade to take in the world’s oldest collection of Art Deco buildings and watch the Clydesdales on their morning stroll. For an adrenaline rush and belly laughs, she loves the pirate ship ride.

Finally, Binh Tran of Pineapple Man encourages fairgoers to take advantage of all the free concerts and shows, including his favorite, the pig races in the Chevy Park Plaza.