The final leg of the match between U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz and his Democratic challenger, U.S. Rep. Beto O’Rourke, will get plenty of national attention, but it’s a horse race we Texans have been watching for more than a year now. Since we already have some idea of what to expect, we thought it would be fun to play a little game in the weeks leading up to Election Day. The concept is simple: Players who stay lightly buzzed the entire time win.
When you get another text message from O’Rourke asking you to donate to his campaign, open a bottle of local craft beer and take a swig. Drink again if you get the cap off before the text dings a second time.
When you get another “summons” letter—the kind Cruz’s camp has been sending out, whose envelope implies you’re being summoned to court, but whose contents just summon you to donate—take a sip of Scotch. Take another, larger sip if you really thought you were heading to court.
When you read another article that mentions how President Donald Trump has claimed Cruz’s father was involved in the JFK assassination, chug a glass of Chardonnay. When the same story notes O’Rourke used to be a punk rocker, chug another glass.
When Cruz—who not only played late-night host Jimmy Kimmel in one-on-one basketball here in Houston, but won—does the moonwalk, or something else out of character, do a shot.
When O’Rourke, who grabbed headlines for skateboarding through a Whataburger parking lot in Brownsville, does back handsprings during a debate, do a shot.
On Election Day (November 6), if you head to the polls and cast your ballot, immediately do a shot and then down a margarita. Win or lose, margs make everything better. So does voting.