Arbitrary Criticism

Love Your Outfit: How to Dress for Valentine's Day

The only way you can go wrong with Valentine's Day theme dressing is if you under-commit.

By Catherine Martin February 10, 2015

Floating halo of hearts is not optional.

Valentine’s Day is one of the most romantic holidays of the year; a chance for men to really unbend emotionally and show the women they are with just how special we are. Whether you’re dating an incredibly hot pipeline engineer or alone for the holidays, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of love, freely expressed feelings, and the color pink. All that excitement can really only healthily be translated into one thing: a Valentine’s Day themed statement outfit.

If you’re interested in achieving maximum engagement with your wardrobe, it’s a good idea to frequently dress in themes. I like to think of the exercise as dressing for the job I want, rather than the job I have (though dressing as a pre-eminent, controversial fashion blogger certainly has its merits). Some days it is fun to dress like a cowgirl, in cowboy boots, an eyelet lace Betsey Johnson dress, and tough, hard driving smile. Some days I want to be a rock star, with my zebra print jeans, well-worn metal T-shirts, leather jacket, and ready-for-anything entourage. Are you following here? You can be anyone you want to be, and you don’t even have to know how to deliver a cow or drop acid in your tour bus.

The fact is, I haven’t yet determined if I want to be a cowgirl or a rock star when I grow up. How can I ever know, if I don’t try? Let the same sense of drama and excitement sweep you through holiday theme dressing as well.

The only way you can go wrong with theme dressing is if you under-commit. Making a statement is about being bold and eye-catching and stunning. Wearing a Valentine’s Day pin with a cupid shooting an arrow is not dressing in theme. That is what’s called “phoning it in.” Is that who you want to be? Someone who phones it in? Or do you want to be bold, thought-provoking, and inspirational?

When planning your statement outfit, remember that subtlety is not your friend. Start with a strong base. We need bright, bold colors – try a hot pink over a deep, sensuous red. Your decision process as you choose the right dress or jumpsuit to map your accessories around should track the length of time the sunspots remain in your eyes after staring at the shade. Do you remain blinded for longer than 8 seconds? Stay off of I-45 and you have the perfect outfit.  

Make sure you get a manicure. I’m not talking French tips or some cute, flirty pink shade. For theme outfits, your nails have to make a statement all on their own. Don’t worry about clash! Swarovski crystals embedded in your nails scream, “I am Valentine’s Day! Feed me with your love!” Try heavy glitter loads or stencil hearts onto all ten canvases. A miniature of your beloved painted onto your thumb is the height of fashion, ladies.

Don’t skimp on your accessories! While anything with sparkles adds a perfect accent to all theme outfits, for Valentine’s Day you can go bigger. Try maraschino cherry-red painted necklaces and big, clattering bangles. Wearing multiple bracelets has two benefits – one, it allows you to display as many tiny, irresistible hearts as you can. Two, they clatter together as you move your arms, drawing even more attention to your bright, romantic, well-themed visage.

Maybe you are a grouch who hates affection and would rather spend their entire life alone. But if you care about being happy and showing your romantic spirit to the world, remember that there’s no such thing as too much love! Feel free to rock the Cupid’s arrow headpiece and don’t worry about scaling back on the amount of glitter you rub on your eyelids.


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