Conspiracy Theories

Are These the Most Houston Nail Polishes Ever?

Are we crazy, or does OPI clearly have a Texan on staff naming their new colors?

By Sarah Rufca Nielsen January 12, 2016

Up until this week, if someone had asked me what the most quintessentially "Houston" nail polish would be, my first thoughts would have been: 1) Have you been inhaling a lot of nail polish remover lately? and 2) Probably whatever Beyoncé and/or Wes Anderson like to wear.

Not anymore, though. While flipping through the February issue of Brides (as you do), I noticed this ad from GelColor by OPI:

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Image: Sarah Rufca

Notice that out of five shades, no less than three of the names have distinctly Houston themes.

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"Let Me Bayou A Drink"
This is a fairly innocent pink for such a flirty name, no? Despite the fact a pure Houston accent would pronounce bayou as "bay-yo," ruining the pun, that they inserted bayou into the name at all seems provocatively Gulf Coast-oriented, as there's nothing about this pink that says "stinky, flood-prone body of water."

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"Crawfishin' For A Compliment"
This dewy orange shade could reasonably pass for the shell of a crawfish after a boil, but the reference to the little mudbugs is once again a direct reference to the Gulf Coast.

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"Strawberry Margarita"
The name of this bright pink polish proves that the theme of these colors is indeed Texas. If it were Louisiana—where there are also plenty of bayous and crawfish—this would be called strawberry daiquiri. As the margarita is the official cocktail of Texas, at least according to the menu at Spare Key, this shade is the key that places all three themed polishes squarely in Houston.

Three Houston-oriented nail polish shades are at least two too many to be a coincidence, but just in case you're not convinced, look at the title at the top of the ad. "It Had To Be Hue," it says, but it seems pretty obvious what they really mean is "It Had To Be Hou."

Is this a secret message that only Bush family members can read? The only other possible explanations are either someone in OPI's marketing team is totally obsessed with Houston, or whoever names the nail polish colors lives here.

If it's the latter I need to know, because if nail polish naming is a viable Houston career than I am wasting my prodigious talent for Houston puns by not doing that professionally. How about "Montrosé," "Rice Rice Baby," or "EaDon't Break My Heart"? Dear OPI, please call me.

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