Welcome to Perfect Party headquarters, where we hate-watched what was supposed to be only the first episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas, then found ourselves suffering from an embarrassing addiction. As such, we simply have to invite LeeAnne Locken, originally of Pasadena, who grew up a carnie, became a beauty queen, and today is a wild-eyed Dallasite whose obsession with manners—combined with her own bad behavior—makes for fabulous TV. Here’s hoping she doesn’t end up squabbling with our other guests, who include Brian McTaggart, the author of 100 Things Astros Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die, appearing June 2 at Brazos Bookstore; Deadmau5, the brave artist who, we have to assume, will wear his giant, carbon-fiber mouse helmet in the Houston heat at Free Press Summer Fest (June 4–5); Carrin Patman, the local attorney who Mayor Turner recently named the new METRO board chairman; Waleed Basyouni, the peace-loving imam of the Clear Lake Islamic Center, recently—and infuriatingly—included on an ISIS death list; Will Fuller, the lightning-fast Notre Dame rookie and first-round Texans draft pick; and Steve Campion, the Channel 13 reporter who rescued a man on the air during the Tax Day floods. Finally, we’re putting Kayla Stewart—UH grad, Houstonia intern extraordinaire, and recent winner of a Fulbright scholarship to teach English in Indonesia(!)—at the head of the table. Having worked with Kayla, all we can say is, the Indonesians are in for a treat.